Conflicts, Values, and Dignity: Donna Hicks’ Dignity Model
- Dilara Gök
- Nov 14, 2024
- 8 min read
Updated: Jan 31
In this article, I continue reflecting on “values” as a significant source of conflicts. However, this time, I’ll address the role that “dignity” in the context of these conflicts. My inspiration for this approach stems from a book that has greatly influenced and inspired me: “Dignity: Its Essential Role in Resolving Conflict” by Dr. Donna Hicks. Through Donna Hicks’ years of experience, I realized how little we discuss the issue of honor, yet how closely it is intertwined with the value-driven dimension of conflicts. Therefore, in this article, I aim to revisit the values-driven sources of conflicts briefly and explore how Hicks’ dignity model can contribute to resolving them.
The topic of dignity is often explored by psychologists and psychotherapists, especially in relation to conflicts in human relationships. It thrilled me to see this concept examined in the context of conflict resolution. As I read Dignity: Its Essential Role in Resolving Conflict, I saw how closely dignity is related to values and how this concept could be a valuable tool in addressing values-based conflicts. Hicks has shaped her dignity model through years of experience, and seeing it applied to values-based conflict adds a unique perspective to the field. While there are still some points I am reflecting on, I aim here to discuss the essence of dignity, the pitfalls we encounter around this concept, and how it can serve as a tool in resolving conflicts. In this sense, psychologists and experts in personal development may approach this concept from different angles, while my focus here is to explore Hicks’ model from a conflict resolution standpoint.
The Importance of Values in Conflicts
Values-based conflicts bring the concept of dignity to the forefront as a central factor. Therefore, before diving into the concept of dignity, let’s revisit the values-driven nature of conflicts. In my previous article, I discussed the sources of conflicts (for those who haven’t read it yet: The First Step in Properly Understanding Conflict: Identifying the Sources). You might remember that I outlined four main sources of conflict: data-driven, interest-driven, needs-driven, and value-driven, and emphasized why understanding these sources is important.
Among these, value-driven conflicts — those arising from differences in ethical, religious, cultural values, ideologies, ways of life, or worldviews — are often more challenging to address due to their less rational nature. In fact, we mentioned that values may not always be the sole source of a conflict, and that exploring whether the same conflict has other sources, such as needs, interests, or data, could lead us closer to resolution. This is because debating individual values often makes it hard, if not impossible, to reach a resolution, whereas focusing on data, interests, or needs provides a more concrete and objective foundation for discussion.
In interpersonal relationships or group dynamics, differences in lifestyles, beliefs, and ideologies often emerge as conflict sources, especially in multicultural settings. Even among people who have known and accepted each other for years, these differences can become sources of conflict. In such cases, values can dominate a conflict, overshadowing other contributing factors and making resolution more challenging. This naturally complicates efforts to resolve the conflict. In such cases, mediators and negotiators strive to establish tangible grounds to initiate and sustain dialogue. Instead of focusing on subjective value judgments, which may hold different meanings for each party, they seek to identify common ground where all sides can agree, using that as a starting point.
This is where the issue of dignity becomes especially important. Re-examining the concept of dignity — something we often think we understand but may actually confuse with respect — can be invaluable in addressing value-based conflicts. Understanding how dignity operates in our relationships, either as a “preventative force” against conflict or as a potential trigger for it, can make it easier to handle conflicts rooted in deeply held values.
To begin with, it’s essential to recognize dignity as an inherent right; it’s something we are born with and is the basis for everyone’s right to be treated in a way befitting human dignity. Respect, on the other hand, is tied to our actions and can be seen as something we earn or forfeit based on our behavior. In other words, it’s important to distinguish between people and their actions.
Reflecting on this discussion, one quote from Hicks’ book resonated strongly with me:
“Treating people badly because they have done something bad only perpetuates the cycle of dignity violations. Worse still, in doing so, we violate our own dignity. Others’ poor behavior does not give us license to treat them poorly in return.”
The 10 Essential Elements of Dignity
“Learning how to honor others is a transformative experience that deeply enriches relationships. A healthy relationship feels good, but one in which both parties acknowledge each other’s worth and value feels even better.”
To clarify the concept of dignity, Donna Hicks created a framework of 10 essential elements. These elements make dignity more tangible and observable. The book’s Turkish edition includes a summary of these elements, which I share here directly (1st Edition, The Kitap Publishing, p.43):
Ten Temptations to Violate Dignity:
Acceptance of Identity. Treat people neither as inferior nor superior. Give others the freedom to express their true selves without fear of judgment. Interact without prejudice or bias, acknowledging that factors such as race, religion, ethnicity, gender, class, sexual orientation, age, and disability are integral to their identity. Assume that the person before you is a decent human being.
Inclusion. Whether it’s within family, community, institution, or nation, make others feel a sense of belonging.
Safety. Provide both physical safety — so they feel secure from harm — and psychological safety — so they feel safe from humiliation. Help them speak freely without fear of punishment.
Acknowledgment. Give them your full attention by listening, hearing, validating, and responding to their concerns, emotions, and experiences.
Recognition. Acknowledge others’ talents, hard work, thoughtfulness, and assistance. Be generous with praise, showing gratitude and satisfaction for their contributions and ideas.
Fairness. Treat people fairly, equally, and impartially according to agreed-upon rules and laws.
Good Intentions. Assume people are trustworthy, acting with good intentions.
Understanding. Believe that what others think is important, and allow them to explain and express their perspectives.
Independence. Encourage people to act on their own behalf so they feel in control of their lives and a sense of possibility and hope.
Accountability. Take responsibility for your actions. If you violate someone’s dignity, apologize and commit to changing harmful behaviors.
These elements are, of course, familiar to many of us. Various social disciplines utilize these concepts when discussing human groups, the processes of living together, or identity construction. For example, in our own training, we frequently emphasize the importance of accepting identity, though our reference here often comes from social psychology. However, viewing these elements, which we already recognize individually, as tools to concretize the concept of dignity is new to me; it provides a necessary link to deepen the work we do in conflict resolution.
Following these elements, and to facilitate a better understanding of the concept of dignity, Donna Hicks has identified ten behaviors that can lead to dignity violations, emphasizing the importance of recognizing these situations. Drawing on evolutionary psychology, Hicks defines these misconceptions as tendencies that we need to discipline within ourselves. Similarly, I am sharing the section from the Turkish translation of the book that summarizes these misconceptions, quoted directly without alteration (1st Edition, The Kitap Publishing, p.113):
Ten Temptations to Violate Dignity:Taking the Bait: Don’t take the bait. Don’t let others’ bad behavior dictate your own actions. Exercising self-control is a beautiful part of a sense of dignity. Don’t try to justify revenge. If it will harm the other person, don’t treat them as they treated you.
Saving Face: Don’t succumb to the temptation to save face. Don’t lie, cover up your mistakes, or deceive yourself. Whatever you may have done, tell the truth.
Shirking Responsibility: When you violate someone’s dignity, don’t dodge responsibility. When you make a mistake, admit it, and apologize if you’ve hurt someone.
Chasing False Dignity: Beware of the desire to be recognized through approval and praise. If we rely solely on others for validation of our worth, we are chasing a form of false dignity. Real dignity lies within. Don’t let the illusion of false dignity tempt you.
Chasing a False Sense of Security: Don’t let your need for connection compromise your dignity. If we are in a relationship where our dignity is routinely violated, our desire for connection has outweighed our need to protect our dignity. Resist the deception of chasing a false sense of security.
Avoiding Conflict: Stand up for yourself. Don’t avoid confrontation when your dignity is violated. Take the necessary steps. A violation signals that something needs to change in the relationship.
Playing the Victim: Stop assuming you’re the innocent victim in a troubled relationship. Be open to the idea that you may have a part in the problem. We need to see ourselves through others’ eyes.
Resisting Feedback: Don’t resist feedback from others. Often, we don’t know what we don’t know. We all have blind spots and may unknowingly engage in undignified behaviors. We must overcome our defensive instincts and accept constructive criticism. Feedback offers us a chance to grow.
Blaming and Shaming Others to Deflect Blame: Don’t blame and shame others to deflect blame from yourself. Control the impulse to defend yourself by making the other person look bad.
Engaging in False Intimacy and Demeaning Gossip: Avoid the tendency to bond with others by engaging in demeaning gossip about others. Being critical and judgmental of someone who isn’t present is harmful and undignified behavior. If you want to connect with someone, talk about real aspects of yourself, share what’s going on in your inner world, and invite them to do the same.
I think that evaluating the situations mentioned here as misconceptions with the assumption that they are not only behavioral tendencies that are done to us or others, but also whether we do it to others (or that we may have such a possibility) can make it easier to recognize these behaviors.
Now, while reading all of them, I think it is very normal and human to realize that we resort to some of them from time to time… Being able to move away from these misconceptions in our daily lives may require a separate skill set, and it may take time (psychologist friends would know more about this aspect of personal growth). However, what is important here is the fact that catching these misconceptions during a conflict resolution process can help the solution. Awareness of these pitfalls can create a checkpoint for the parties to the conflict, perhaps for the mediators as a third party, or a basis for improvement in dialogues/negotiations. In these processes, it can facilitate the parties to express themselves more authentically and sincerely, and support them to form attitudes in which they accept responsibility for what happened.
In particular, it can also help us plan how to confront difficult truths while preserving the dignity of all parties involved. Addressing conflicts in a way that recognizes and respects the importance of dignity can provide a constructive path forward.
On a societal level, the relationship between conflicts and dignity and rethinking the concept of dignity in peace processes, truth and justice efforts, or restorative justice can support the development of more effective resolution strategies. What do you think?
To close, I’d like to share one more quote from the book:
“But minimizing the role of an attack on someone’s dignity in creating conflict is not only naïve but also dangerous. … until we fully recognize and accept that a violation of our dignity feels like a threat to our survival, we will fail to understand conflicts and what it takes to turn them into more rewarding relationships.”
Best,
Thank you for reading our post! At Conflictus, we eagerly await your feedback and insights.
Dilara Gök
Conflictus Conflict Resolution Training and Consultancy
🔗 Learn more about our services: Conflictus Website: https://www.conflictus.co/en
📧 Contact us: info@conflictus.co
Hicks, Donna. Dignity: Its Essential Role in Resolving Conflict. 1st ed., Yale University Press, 2008.
Human Dignity and Humiliation Studies Network. (n.d.). Retrieved from http://www.humiliationstudies.org/
Burton, J. W. (1990). Conflict: Human Needs Theory. New York: St. Martin’s Press.
Moore, C. W. (2014). Practical Strategies for Resolving Conflict. 3rd ed. San Francisco: Jossey-Bass.
Ury, W. (2015). Getting to Yes: Negotiating Agreement Without Giving In. 3rd ed. New York: Penguin Books.
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