Communication has been studied by many disciplines as one of the basic pillars of human existence. Therefore, it is possible to find many definitions of communication. However, the origin of the word is more interesting than its definition: The word "communication" comes from the Latin verb "communicare", which means to share, to be a collaborator. This origin beautifully reflects the basic idea at the core of communication: The sharing of information, thoughts and feelings and the creation of a connection through this sharing...
To better understand and effectively use this process of "building connections", it is important to examine the elements of communication. The classical model of communication developed by Claude Shannon and Warren Weaver defines these elements in a simple and straightforward way. In the model, a source (sender) encodes a message and sends it through a channel to a receiver. The receiver decodes and makes sense of the message. Finally, it gives feedback to the sender and the cycle is completed. An important element of this model is the concept of "noise". Noise can be defined as any factor that prevents the completion of this process and distorts the clarity of the message. (We will write a separate article on the concept of noise and its relationship in conflict resolution processes in the coming weeks).
So how can this process be solution-oriented? Is it enough to simply send the message and give feedback in some way? To what extent is the language we use while delivering the message and giving feedback important? This is where active listening comes into play. Active listening involves the attention and care required to fully understand the message. The receiver not only hears what the sender says, but also tries to understand the underlying emotions, desires and needs.
The solution-oriented communication approach also works with this motto. Therefore, solution-oriented communication focuses on conflict resolution by acting together with active listening. When the parties feel mutually heard and understood, they can address conflicts productively. In this process, openness, transparency and empathy are at the forefront of communication. The parties cooperate to solve problems together and focus on common goals. This feeds the conflict resolution process in a positive way.
So how is active listening, which is so important, practiced? In order for listening to be effective, it is necessary to use certain techniques. We do more than just open our ears and look the other person in the eye. In fact, active listening takes place not through silence, but through speaking, that is, through dialog.
In this process, our basic approach should always be to bring the conflict to the table. In doing so, we may need to redefine the issue at times. If needed, we may sometimes need to hold a mirror up to the other side to show that we really understand them. However, in a conflict, it may become important to ask more questions to remove the fog of needs and positions. How to do all this is the subject of this article. Active listening has many helpful techniques at this point. The correct use of these techniques makes communication solution oriented. A quick surf on the internet will show you that there are many active listening techniques. However, in this article we would like to focus on the three most used techniques:
Redefining (Focus on the Table)
Redefining in solution-focused communication aims to change negative patterns and perceptions in communication. This approach involves listening without blaming or judging, while taking into account the feelings and thoughts expressed by the other person. By making communication more productive, redefining helps to build understanding and empathy between the parties.
In other words, redefining is a great way to turn a communication with elements of conflict into a search for a solution. It is not only a communication technique, but also a creative way to clear our minds and focus on the core problem.
We would like to give an example of a situation we faced in our previous work on the subject. In a social cohesion workshop we organized with young participants from different cultures, one of our participants expressed his complaint about one of his group members in a group work in a way that was accusing and put all the responsibility on them. The person's expression and tone of voice were of a conflict-generating nature and at this point, we had to intervene with the following statement (as far as we remember):
"We understand that you have some problems with cooperation within the group and if you solve this, you can move forward better."
With this expression, we redefined the situation that created the complaint away from an accusatory language by shifting an accusation against a person to an objective problem, namely the disagreement in the division of labor. Thus, the division of labor was now the subject to be discussed. With our follow-up in the following process, we were able to observe that a more solution-oriented communication continued within the group.
Reflection (Mirroring)
Reflection is an important technique to make the other person feel truly understood. It is the process of reflecting on the other person's feelings and thoughts, understanding and empathizing with their point of view. Reflection involves not only repeating the words spoken, but also understanding and expressing the emotions and intentions behind those words. This process is an artistic way of saying "I understand you".
Asking Question (Dispersing the Fog)
Asking questions aims to remove ambiguities in communication and increase in-depth understanding. Asking questions helps you to better understand the other person's thoughts and feelings and leads to deeper interaction in communication.
Asking questions is a journey through the other person's mental labyrinths. By seeing unexpected paths and corners during this journey, it can be easier to understand the source of the conflict. For this reason, questions asked appropriately and, on the spot, can also disperse the fog that makes the conflict seem complicated.
These techniques enable us to increase in-depth understanding in communication, strengthen emotional connections and handle conflicts constructively. Active listening and solution-oriented communication help us build healthier and more sustainable communication in our relationships. If we can determine when and to what extent to use these techniques, each technique enriches the communication process, makes our relationships stronger and allows us to create stronger and deeper connections.
Based on all we have talked about, it will be possible to say the following in general: A communication that becomes solution-oriented with the help of active listening opens the door to positive changes at both individual and social levels. Of course, all these techniques are part of a skill development process, and skill development takes time, just like the process of developing a muscle. As we have mentioned in our previous articles, conflicts are not dynamite that destroy our relationships, they are actually a bridge that can bring us closer to each other, and this bridge continues to stand with communication.
Thank you for reading our post! At Conflictus, we eagerly await your feedback and insights.
Tunç Karaçay
Conflictus Conflict Resolution Training and Consultancy
🔗 Learn more about our services: Conflictus Website: https://www.conflictus.co/en
📧 Contact us: info@conflictus.co
Folger, J. P., & Poole, M. S. (2020). Conflict Management. Nobel Academic Publishing.
Shannon, C., & Weaver, W. (1949). The Mathematical Theory of Communication. Ministry of Culture Publications.
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